Rants of a raving lunatic

On By RunningMuffinsIn Just Mindfulness1 Comment

Hi. It’s me. I’m back. I haven’t written in ages so bear with me. This blog may be a little disjointed and full of bad grammar and may come across as rantings of a raving blithering idiot but this past year, or few years for that matter, has been cruel and unapologetic. But it’s happened and it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it. I know this is not my best work.

So, if you don’t have any time for my bullshit, then stop right here. Bye.

However, if you are perhaps curious and maybe even want to get a modicum of glee on someone’s else’s misery (mine), heck, read on. Of course, you may say at some point, “what is she talking about? this is nothing. First world problems.” I don’t care what you think. It’s your 5 minutes. I didn’t force you to read this. As my precious daughter Olivia tells me all the time “It’s my shit”.

I checked that my last post was at 2020 when I wrote about Black Lives Matter. So many things have happened since and I had forgotten that I had written but had never posted it. Drafts after drafts, I thought what a waste of my time. I had a draft about how I was coping with COVID, how we have to be kind to ourselves especially in isolation, tips on working from home effectively, reminders on meditating or yoga poses for general well being. It was all bullshit. Life still laughed and threw more curve balls. Good thing I didn’t post them. Came across as preachy and condescending. I hate articles like these. I could just google and it would save me from trying to make my post eye-catching with pretty pictures that scream of “read me! read me!” I think I even had the audacity of thinking that I should post it in my Instagram or Facebook thinking that my “friends” would read it and shower me with accolades of “nice post!” or “it resonated with me!”. All bullshit. This time around, no instagram or Facebook or Twitter (or is it X now?). If someone reads my blog in its raw unformatted version with with wrong punctuations and grammar and unapologetic if you don’t agree with my views, thanks. If not, I don’t really care.

My brother Jonah died last year in a cold Monday morning in February. I remember getting a call from his partner and I recall screaming NO! Such as cold, cruel word… NO. I had meetings lined up in the afternoon and I am glad that Peter took over and told my boss what happened. Could you imagine that my brother just died and I get fired since I stopped juggling the balls at work. Would have been a double whammy. Heartbroken and broke.

I thought, how do I tell my sister and my mom? My mom is 91. how? how? Like a band aid. No way around it. Have to tell her. We had to call 911 when my mom fainted. I remember the cold lighting in the living room, the hardness of the hardwood floor as I knelt in front of my mom, the pain in her eyes, the tears in my sister’s eyes, the silent wails of everyone’s hearts. Death is so final. We had so many plans of a family vacation with my mom and sister and I was supposed to have a quick call with Jonah at 8:30am that morning. We were going to talk about anything and everything that morning. He lived in Baltimore and I live in Toronto and it was in the middle of COVID so grieving from afar. No closure. No more “I love you’s”. Jonah Calinawan (1969-2022). Accountant turned Artist. Follow your Bliss. He was cremated. I had his ashes until recently. On his video message to Olivia when she turned 18…”Follow your bliss”. The days following were a blur. I remember thinking I have to take care of my mom. Jonah was her favourite. She never recovered.

My mom died in July 2023. My brother’s ashes were buried with her.

Cruelty has many faces.

Cruelty is the face of my Chinese mother-in-law who disowned me because I kept my brother’s ashes in my office. She made Olivia cry when she said that Olivia is only supposed to grieve for 10 days and get back to normal living. She blamed me for bringing bad luck to the family since my father-in-law got sick and died from complications of COVID. She said that daughter in laws are not part of the family since they are women. Sons are more precious than daughters. I remember thinking “fuck you.” Hurtful words she told my husband “Debbie is a gold digger”– ironically, I am the breadwinner of my family; She said that “Debbie is a bad mother since Olivia does not smile when she is around”, “she came from a poor family”– even when Jonah and I became extremely successful accountants and financially secure; “She is Filipino and Filipinos all live in slums”…. I could go on. Don’t worry. I have disowned her. She will die a bitter and lonely woman.

Cruelty has the face of unkind words spoken in a heat of the moment. Unkind unintended words spoken at a vulnerable time, when someone is grieving. Words hurt. At least, this time, there is time to make amends. Someone told me that “as long as you are alive, you can move forward”.

I have barely existed these past few years, like an empty shell. I miss my loved ones. I have to put on a facade of “I am logical, practical and unfaltering” at work, and “I am doing ok” in front of family, but in the silent hours of the night, I think “Who do I send funny memes now with Jonah gone? Who will I turn to to ask if I am overthinking? Who will comfort me when someone calls me “too emotional” or “not emotional enough”?

So many lost opportunities. Now it is too late.

Alcohol and sleeping pills. Not a good combination but sometimes, it helps. Sometimes I wish that I am in a bad dream and I will wake up at any moment. So much pain.

Jonah, my mom and I came as immigrants back in 1987. My father had passed away a couple of years back and my sister had sponsored us. My mother in law was right. We were poor when we came here. We had a comfortable life back in the Philippines but my father wanted more for us. So, we sold everything. I remember my mother selling or giving away furniture and all my father’s books and all our plates, cups, spoons/forks. Life in Canada is not easy. We had family here in Toronto and we were the grateful impoverished relatives. But you know, my family was resilient. My mother was a strong woman. Homemaker to cleaning rooms at Holiday Inn. Then kitchen help at Hudsons Bay. Jonah and I saw how hard our mother worked and so did our part. We excelled at school. Became successful accountants and brought our little family up. “Immigrants– they get the job done.”

I remember Jonah and I were thinking of buying a house by the beach in the Philippines, thinking it would be somewhere we can call home again and Mama would love it. But we never went through with it. Got too busy and Philippines is so far. Opportunity lost. Money will not bring my mom and Jonah back.

So, what to do?

Life laughs and spits in your face. More glasses of chianti all around. Maybe Imovane tonight.

I have not been well these past few days. I don’t know how to cope. But I have Olivia to think about. She is not doing well. She was close to Jonah and Lola. She is feeling lost just as I am. And she just is reeling from a recent breakup. Relationships are hard. I cannot even imagine what Peter is going through– I have not been a good wife lately since I am keeping things bottled up. As my husband, he must be feeling helpless.

I have thought of death a lot these past few months. I am not really afraid to die now. I am ready. I have thought of just throwing in the towel so I don’t have to go through this pain. So lost. So helpless. I was on the 401 highway lately and I actually thought that it would be so easy to just crash my car. Just a quick headline in Toronto traffic news. NO more pain. Heartbroken. My therapist would not be happy to hear this. Good thing I don’t think he follows me. He will be disappointed. I don’t think Peter or Olivia follow me either. They would be disappointed. Maybe I need another therapist. He’s not helping. Or maybe I am unsalvageable. Can’t be saved.

But I double promised Olivia I will not commit suicide. I have to live until I am 90 years old. Double pinky promise– unbreakable. I am only 51. 39 years to go.

I am so tired of life. So many curve balls. Cruel. Unapologetic.

I opened a bottle of chianti when I started writing this and I think I am almost finished it. Peter is across from me right now saying “Enough”. I am drunk now. I hope I don’t remember anything tomorrow.

It is so hard to say good bye. So, let’s say…This is not goodbye but until we meet again.

Debbie

I woke up angry today…#BLM

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, My Search for Happiness, New Adventures, OliviaLeave a comment

Like the rest of the world, I feel angry. So much pent up rage.

Blinding and white hot rage that brings tears to my eyes.

I watched the murder of George Floyd several times and each time, I look for any sign, any sign at all, for any compassion, for any humanity at all from the police officers.

How did we get here? How can we treat each other with such contempt?

I read somewhere that we are now dealing with two viruses–COVID and systemic racism. One major difference is that one needs more than a vaccine…

It has been weeks since the world erupted, with continuing protests all over the world. Yet, I wonder how did we get here and how do we make amends?

Peter and I had a somber dinner conversation about how Olivia’s generation is faced with so many challenges like climate change, systemic racism, an older generation that is blind to all the problems their selfishness has caused, where governments are more concerned about the stock market than the lives of their citizens. The list is long…

Every man for himself. This is how we got here. Pure unadulterated selfishness and unquenchable thirst for more…more money, more cars, more houses, just more. We got lost and along the way, we forgot to take care of each other. We forgot that we need to help each other to move forward, to make a better world for everyone.

Yet, perhaps it is not too late…

There was a Black Lives Matter protest yesterday down by the water and Olivia asked if we should go. With COVID, I emphatically said no. How can we help the cause if we get sick? We have been supporting local black businesses but somehow it is not enough. Not quite enough.

This question still plagues me…what do we need to do to make amends?

I don’t know. Do you?

What I do know is that we are at a crossroad. Like Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”, we need to take the road less travelled by. We need to look inside ourselves and make a commitment that if we want a better world, we need to look at ourselves in the mirror and make a change (like Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”). And the next time, I will no longer look away when I see something wrong happening as most of us do. No more. I will no longer be complacent.

It is time for change. Our generation failed. Yet, as an optimist, I don’t believe it is too late. We still have time. We need to change this world for the better…for Olivia…for all our children’s future. We need to start NOW.

#BlackLivesMatter.

Love always.

Debbie

We have to keep her safe….

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, Mindful at Home, OliviaLeave a comment

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This was my mom yesterday when I dropped off food and groceries for her for the week.  It’s not a very clear picture since she had to stay behind the glass window.  She’s 88 years old.  Olivia was with me and so she is all smiles.  Olivia calls her “Lola” which means Grandmother in Filipino. I have not hugged or given her a kiss in weeks.  Her birthday is coming up next month but I don’t think we can celebrate until this nightmare is over. 

I miss her….but we need to keep her safe.

I purposely waited for a few weeks to write about how I am doing.  I struggled to find the exact word to describe how I was feeling these past weeks with COVID lurking just outside my doorstep.

Fear?

Anger?

Perhaps.

I feel fear the most when Peter goes out and gets groceries and when he comes home, we have to keep the groceries outside by the door for a few hours in case he brought the virus back home with the broccoli.  That goes for any Amazon packages and the rare times when we order dinner through Uber Eats.  We live in a bubble and I’m cool with that, for now.

I taste the bitter tang of anger….or more appropriately, BLINDING RAGE, when I hear the news about people who are woefully ignorant and indifferent by not self-isolating, not practicing physical distancing or those who think that this virus is a hoax or it will mysteriously disappear or would rather play golf when people are dying. Not going to lie–these types of people will only look out for themselves and to hell with everyone one else.  These people should not be holding any position of power as they would be the first one to throw their loved ones under the bus.

Indifference?  Definitely not indifference.  COVID is supposedly Mother Nature’s best revenge and we are all paying for all the price for our shameless treatment of all her gifts.  I am talking about dolphins in the clear Venice waters, blue skies over Beijing devoid of pollution, wild boars in the streets of Barcelona.  Whoa!  COVID pressed the “Pause” button and in the process highlighted the delicate balance between man’s seemingly limitless wants and nature’s finite resources.  When we come out of this, we should all rethink about how we live.  There is too much at stake.  There is no Planet B. 

However, not all is lost.  I have found lots of positive things that have come out of this whole COVID experience.  For instance,  working from home, I am getting more sleep, spending more time with Olivia and Peter, saving loads of money from not taking the train to work, spending less time figuring out what clothes to wear to work, getting laundry done and put away, and the house is always tidy.  I will truly miss all these when we finally are allowed out of hibernation.

So, what word best describes how I feel right now?

Uneasy.

Yes, I think that sums it up perfectly.  I feel that at any moment of letting my guard down or one little slip, I (or anyone close to me) could catch COVID-19 and my whole world turns upside down.  This is why I cannot comprehend how some people can protest that their rights are being infringed upon and “liberate” them from stay-at-home protocols.  Let’s see if they are still asking about their rights when they are gasping for air and asking for a ventilator.  They need to be taught a lesson.  I know, I know….COVID is really testing my mindfulness practice. 

Anyway, as Olivia and I drove away yesterday, I looked back at my mom, still staring out her window.  So close yet so far.

I miss her…..but we have to keep her safe.

I hope you and your loved ones are also staying safe and healthy.

Love always.

Debbie.

Dance like no one’s watching…

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, My Search for Happiness, Olivia2 Comments

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My very good friend Holly left me a voicemail today.

“Just wanted to make sure you feel great and have that 30 minutes of fitness in your day.  I miss you hugely!”

She’s a personal trainer and she is checking up on me.  I know, right? She’s awesome.

I must admit, working from home due to COVID has brought out the workaholic in me and while I have been trying to get a workout in during the day, it’s been a hit and miss.

Anyway, I was doing the dishes tonight while my hubby was glued to CNN and the depressing news of the day.  I really didn’t want to hear any more disturbing news about how some people are skipping quarantine and still going out.  Come on, people!!!!  Ugh.

So, I grabbed my headphones and the first song that came up was Maroon 5 “Moves Like Jagger.”  If you haven’t heard it, check it out on YouTube.  At any rate, I never thought cleaning up after dinner would be so enjoyable.

Before I knew it, Taylor Swift’s “I Forgot That You Existed” came next and I found myself all alone in my living room…

I closed my eyes….

…and just like that, I was awkwardly dancing to Ed Sheeran’s new song “Put It All On Me”!  Three and a half minutes of pure and unadulterated happiness!  If you have the time to check out the video, you would understand!

Hey, no one’s here.  Even if I dance like Elaine Benes in Seinfeld, who cares! No judging.

Post Malone –“Wow”…I found that it had a good beat for squats…and calf raises.

Ed Sheeran…”Beautiful People”…I caught the words…” surrounded but still alone.”  I made a mental note to think more deeply about this… it resonated.

Billie Eilish, more Taylor Swift, more Ed Sheeran…(check out his new song “I Don’t Want Your Money”).

The last song on my playlist was Lizzo’s “Good as Hell”.  I love that song!

At any rate, I somehow managed to squeeze in 30 minutes of fitness tonight.  It wasn’t that difficult! Maybe tomorrow I will try to catch one of Holly’s virtual fitness classes on Instagram (@hgoldsmithjones). Check her out…she does so much in 30 minutes!

If not, I could always dance like no one was watching!

Let me know if you have any songs I should add to my playlist! (Most of my songs on my playlist are from Olivia 🙂

Stay safe and have a great rest of the week, everyone!

Love always.

Debbie

 

It takes a village…a look back at 2019.

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, My Search for Happiness, New Adventures, OliviaLeave a comment

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As the year comes to a close, I realize that 2019 has been a year of contradictions….full of ups and downs, a few tears from broken hearts but quickly replaced by an inner strength, and old friends lost but replaced by newfound friends.

However, through it all, I realize that it takes a village to get us through difficult times as well as share the laughter and good tidings during good times.

One recent example was when Olivia’s heart was broken one December day.  As she stood on our driveway, numb, dazed, blindsided, and not knowing what to do next, our neighbor from across our house came to the rescue. Peter and I were out shopping when we got a text from Oliva that “Aunt Mo” came and she made her soup, gave lots of hugs and stories about teenage boys not mature enough, and told her that she should not take high school boyfriends so seriously; the world is her oyster–there are so many more adventures waiting for her! Aunt Mo and Uncle Ray have been our neighbors for as long as I can remember and they might as well be family.  Broken heart restored and moving on…

Another recent example is when Olivia had a panic attack at school and her best friend Carol, Olivia’s math teacher Mrs. I  and her guidance counselor Mrs. D. took charge and made sure that Olivia felt safe and grounded during such a scary incident.  To this day, Olivia’s teachers check up on Olivia…I know because I am included in the check-in emails they send her. I also know that her friends like Kathryn and Khalid keep her focused and constantly remind her to keep it real…

As for me, I recently went back to my hometown in the Philippines.  I have not been back for almost 35 years and it was just because of Olivia wanting to “find our Filipino roots” that we went.  I left the Philippines when I was in my teens and I really never expected to come back since there are so many more other places in the world to visit!!  However, I was glad I came back as I got to meet up with my former classmates who still lived there and I was regaled with stories about how my nose was always buried in a book and somehow missed all the shenanigans they got into! My long lost friends were so warm and kind and actually took the time to meet with me and point out our old haunts…I had forgotten how warm and kind my Filipino culture is!  I will be back for another visit, I’m sure.

I’ve always tried to do everything on my own.  In honest truth, I like doing things on my own; I like being in control and not have to rely on anyone.  However, this year taught me that being part of a village is what makes life so much more interesting and more fulfilling.

As I read my 2018 post Happy New Year!, I realize that 2019 was even more wondrous as it made me realize that I am blessed to be part of an incredible group of people who has my back and look out for me even when I least expect it.  Thank you to everyone who made my 2019 the most awesome year ever (you know who you are)!

I hope you had a wonderful 2019 as well and looking forward to 2020!

Happy new year, everyone!

Love always.

Debbie.

“I’m allergic to B’s…”

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“I’m allergic to B’s.”  I still remember my mom telling me that over the phone and it hurt.

I was in my first year of university and honestly, even though I was a straight-A student coming out of high school, I was still finding my subjects difficult.  To top it all off, I was unprepared for being away from home, having to make new friends, making sure I had enough money for tuition, rent, and food, and the list of responsibilities went on….

Essentially, I had to grow up.

To be honest, I totally understood where my mother was coming from.  As immigrants, my brother and I knew the value of hard work.  Coming to Canada meant that if we worked hard, we can help my mom make a better life for us here.  Not only that, our older sister, Sofy, had worked so hard to bring us over… so failure was not an option. We had no choice but to work hard.  At any rate, I did graduate with honors and passed the qualifying exam on my first try.

But still….to this day, Peter still talks about the first time he actually saw me cry.

Anyway, this week brought this memory back.  Olivia had decided to do the International Baccalaureate (IB) program and for those who are familiar with this program, it is a doozy.  Olivia had such a tough two weeks with all her evaluations and tests, along with her other extracurricular responsibilities.  The final straw was her math test this past Friday where she said that it was so hard that some students started crying during the test since they had no clue how to answer it.  Some students even said that they cannot tell their parents about this.  One of her teachers called it “mathematical treachery.”

At any rate, I definitely am not following in my mother’s footsteps….

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Peter is the tough one since he always wants to figure out what went wrong.

                    Did Olivia study enough?

       Did she have enough Omega 3s to improve her memory? 

 Did she get enough sleep?

And his checklist goes on….Meh, he means well. Truly.

As for me…..

 I know the power of a comforting hug and shoulder to cry on.

So, really, parents have different ways of trying to make things better for our kids but one thing is for sure, all parents want their kids to succeed.

But as parents, sometimes we forget that our kids are just that…KIDS.  Their brains are still under construction as I wrote in my blog How to Survive Middle School: My Mindfulness Guide  (see point #4) ).  We may resort to threatening them, saying that they are not doing enough, or that they border on being useless, but we take the risk of that backfiring…BADLY.  These kids are already under so much pressure that they don’t need additional grief from us.  Would you agree?

Anyway, here’s hoping that Olivia’s weeks get better…and “No, I’m NOT allergic to B’s…”

Have a good week ahead, everyone!

Debbie.

Run your own race…

On By RunningMuffinsIn Just Mindfulness, Mindful at Home, Mindful at Work, Money and Mindfulness, My Search for HappinessLeave a comment

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The first time I heard this was when I was training for my first half marathon.

Makes perfect sense, right?

However, try sticking to that in the middle of the race when everyone is speeding past you and you are trying to keep up.

I realized then that it is not really just “run your own race”…it should also be “RUN AT YOUR OWN PACE!”

Needless to say, I did finish my very first half marathon at a half-decent time (no pun intended!) and went on to run many more races after that.

However, lately, it seems that I have to keep reminding myself (and others) that I am “running my own race and at my own pace.” when it comes to my own career.

“You could make more money somewhere else…”

“You are so smart; you should ask for more money.”

“You are already doing more anyway, why not get paid for it…”

Money, Money, Money.

In a fit of impatience, I had blurted out “I don’t want more money!”

In my previous experience, more money, meant more work, more expectations, more stress.

No thanks.  Been there, done that.

The best decision I have ever made was to leave my high-stress job, take a step down the proverbial corporate ladder, and take a significant pay cut.

“But you still get stressed in this lower-paying job, so why not get a promotion and get more money?”

But somehow, the stress is different.  I leave it all behind at 5:30 pm and I look forward to spending more quality at home…

Walking through my garden and seeing if the squirrels left me some strawberries…

Having a beer in the front patio and count the number of white cars that go by…

Getting the mail from the mailbox and actually sorting and reading the flyers that came with the bills…

Work should not be just about money.

But for some people, it is about the money…. which is unfortunate. I guess for them, their race is to amass as much money as possible, as soon as possible.

Wrong race for me…

I think next time, I will not feel the need to justify that my race is to find what makes ME happy and it may take me a while to figure it all out. My happiness is worth more than a million dollars in the bank.

So, when you feel that someone is pushing you to do something that you know is not for you, tell them:

“I’m good.  I am running my own race at my own pace.  Thanks though.”

Have a good week, everyone!

Debbie.

 

 

Noah, The Brave Little Bunny

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, New Adventures, Olivia2 Comments

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I finally did it.  I had the courage to publish my first-ever children’s book!

It is about a little bunny named Noah, who just wants to go on adventures–not a typical bunny, that’s for sure!  He goes on an epic journey and on the way, he learns to trust himself and makes a new friend.

For me personally, just being able to do something so different from the world of numbers and accounting theory is a journey of discovery!

Check out my ebook on Apple iBooks or Blurb.ca.  Check out the preview to see what it is all about!!

https://www.blurb.ca/ebooks/698460-noah-the-brave-little-bunny

(I discovered that if you are viewing it on your iPhone, landscape orientation is key! I know, I know– I live in a cave!)

If you want a printed copy, it is also available on Amazon.ca or contact me!

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B07V7K8LR9?pf_rd_p=46535598-d2e0-4bc4-8392-182d8c1e93fc&pf_rd_r=0NB4P124T72ZPXXHBMMN

Let me know what you think!  I would love to hear what you guys think!!!

I guess I can now legitimately call myself a children’s book author?!

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Debbie.

Yes, YOU are “Good Enough”

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, Meditation Practice, Mindful at Home, My Search for Happiness, OliviaLeave a comment

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Olivia recently attended a friend’s birthday party.  However, when I asked her how the party was, she did not mention whether the cake was vanilla or chocolate, whether or not her friend liked her presents, or whether she had fun during the sleepover or not.

Instead, she told me how she felt judged as not “Asian enough”.  Somehow being half Chinese/ half Filipino, not able to speak either Chinese or Filipino, and not been to China or the Philippines are black marks against her. “White-washed”, she called herself.  

She was measured and she came up short. 

I find this subject really tiresome since this feeling of not being “enough” is really based on other people’s prejudices and biases…but here we are.

But wait.  I know exactly where Olivia is coming from.  In my mind’s eye, I remember the crippling thoughts just because someone said something and I latched on to their biases…

“I am…

        not smart enough…

                  NOT pretty enough…

                             NOT worthy ENOUGH…

                                                  NOT ENOUGH.”

Just not enough.

Yet, I wanted to yell at her.

“You are smarter than this!  Why would it matter if you are half Chinese, half Filipino, whether you speak the language or not, or whether you’ve gone back to countries where we no longer have family ties?”

But before I could say a word, Olivia said,

“Nah, I’m good. Doesn’t matter what people say.  Totally irrelevant.”

That’s my girl.

So, my dear friends, when you start feeling insecure and doubts start creeping in, ask yourself, as Michelle Obama did at one point in her life,

“Am I good enough?  YES, I AM.”

Have a good week ahead, everyone!

Debbie.

 

 

 

Leave.

On By RunningMuffinsIn Healthy Living, Just Mindfulness, My Search for HappinessLeave a comment

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I went through my journals today and I came across this little gem…

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April 21, 2017, FRIDAY

I woke up angry today.

Maybe angry is not the right word…

Testy. Impatient. Bitchy.

I am not in a good mood.  I think I’m simply tired.  I need more sleep.

Peter came home late after a night of having a “quick beer” with the guys. It was a lot of “quick beers” and even though he took a shower, he still reeked.

I had just decided to ignore him and settle deeper under the covers when he started snoring. Not one of those normal snores but a gurgling kind of snore.

I froze.

It didn’t help that I was nursing a headache the whole day and it had not fully gone away.  It also did not help that he can just fall asleep within 5 minutes after his head hits the pillow. Ugh.

Gurgling snore.

I gave the bed a little jolt.  He grunted and then turned to his side.

Ahhhh…Peace at last.

Gurgling snore…this time, it’s somehow deeper and louder.  At this point, I was thinking he was doing it deliberately.

I coughed.

I caught a Snore midway…yah!  But, after a few restless minutes, the Snore is back.

I coughed louder and a jolt on the bed, for added effect.

Nothing. Definitely a lot of “quick beers”.

A myriad of thoughts race through my mind…do I give him a good nudge? Do I pinch his nose? Turn on the lights? Sprinkle him with cold water?  Lavender essential oil or maybe peppermint?

After a few minutes of mulling it over at 2 am, I gathered up my pillows and blanket and headed to the guest room.

…Ahhh.  Peace at last.

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And, that my friends, is the secret of being married to a gurgling snorer.  As a twist to a famous saying goes “If you don’t like where you are, LEAVE.  You are not a tree.”

Coincidentally, this week marks 22 years of being married to Peter….who may annoy me with his little quirks but will always be there when I need a hug.

Happy anniversary, Peter!

Debbie