Wasting time…



I reached level 1170 of the Candy Crush saga today.  How I got to this level, I cannot really remember.  When I first load the game on my phone, it says “everyone’s game” or   “50,000,000 Candy Crush fans cannot be wrong…” or “join millions of players.”.  Well, I’m one of those millions, I guess.

Level 1170–imagine how many hours I spent to get to that level!  I actually don’t really want to think about it.  What other things could I have accomplished while I was trying to get that “polka dot thingy” with the “square thingy” to create a explosion that clears all those jellies?

Thank goodness I never fall for those tricks where I buy gold or lives.  I still retain some degree of sanity!

Looking at my phone, I realize I have other apps that help me waste my time…Clash Royale, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest.  Once I am on one of those apps, I get so engrossed that when I do resurface, 30 minutes or even an hour may have gone by…! It is especially bad when I go to the toilet with my phone and I don’t come out for a good 45 minutes (don’t shake your head and be hoity-toity about it–I’m sure you’ve done it too!).

So, I am going to try an experiment this coming week to see how much time I really spend on my phone and wasting time.  Checking text messages and emails will not count as those should just about 15-20 minutes to respond to. I will make this my mindfulness practice for the week.

So, I’m thinking that to replace those hours, I will bring a book with me to read on the train, brush up on my Spanish, write more on this blog, make more of my runningmuffings jewelry.  That should keep me busy.

Will report back next week.

So, I may be stuck on level 1170 for while….

Have a good weekend everyone!









Holding on…

img_3106-1I hold grudges.

There.  I admit it. I hold them long and hard and if I had my way, I avoid the person or give them the silent treatment for a really long time…and I pretend they don’t exist anymore.

My mother-in-law called me a name once, a long, long, long time ago. I’m thinking she just didn’t like anyone marrying her son.  She’s fine now (I think) but I haven’t forgotten, nor do I think I ever will.

Someone called me a hypocrite once, this one quite recently. I haven’t forgotten, nor do I think I ever will.

While meditating today, these two grudges came to the fore. Out of nowhere, these thoughts just popped into my head and stayed on just like an unwelcome visitor.

I had been taught that when feeling strong emotions, I shouldn’t turn away from it and instead be curious about it, try to feel any bodily sensations, and try not to control your thoughts but be open to it.

Well, it didn’t go well. I cut my mediation practice short as I was developing a migraine and my whole body had tensed up that I didn’t know what muscle to focus on relaxing first.

What I wanted was to go on a really long run to get away from all the negativity in my head.

Run away. Run far far away.

What I did realize after my meditation practice is that I am not willing to let go of these grudges. I’ve been told that I should really forgive, let go and move on.  How does one do that?  Do I take them out to Starbucks and buy them a latte and say “all good”?

Does remembering being thrown under the bus count as “not letting go”?

I don’t want revenge or anything…I’m thinking karma will do its job.

But in the meantime, better to stay away.  Stay far, far away.

So, I think I will hold on to my grudges for a little while longer, thank you.

…and I think I’m okay with that.

At least I am mindful about it.

Have a good weekend, everyone!