I let someone into my lane this morning. It was 7:30 am and I was trying to catch my train to work. But traffic was unusually bad this morning and everyone seemed on edge.
I see a car signal go off on my right and I thought to myself:
“Self, someone wants to go into our lane. Do we let them in or not?”
“Perhaps we can just ignore it and let the car behind us deal with it…”
“But, good deed for the day, you know? What do we have to lose? A few seconds? A minute?”
“Fine. Just one car.”
So I slowed down to let the little white Honda Fit in…and waited…
…for the obligatory wave.
“That’s gratitude for you”, I mumbled.
Was it selfish of me to expect a little wave of thanks or even a small acknowledgment?
At 7:31 am, I was already in a terrible mood.
The good thing about my mindfulness journey is that I am getting better at not getting carried away.
I knew I had to pause and take stock of what I was feeling.
I noticed that my shoulders were tense and had started to hunch up…so, I took a deep breath and at the exhale, relaxed my shoulders.
I noticed that even my face felt tense…deep breath and massaged my brows a bit.
I noticed my hands were clenched almost into fists…deep breath and shook my hands and fingers.
When I got to the parking lot, I put on my headphones and put on Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”.
By the time I got on the train, my internal grey sky was starting to clear….and my day was back in balance.
It is really unnerving that one little thing such as a wave for letting one into my lane can matter so much…but for me, it just does.
It is probably because I always give a little wave when someone actually lets me in because it shows that I am not taking them for granted and that I really appreciate the gesture, however small.
I’m hoping tomorrow starts off better and if someone wants to go into my lane again, I get that small little wave…
…or maybe I should leave the house by 7 am…
Have a good rest of the week, everyone!