They come in all shapes and sizes…

School is out and so my daughter is now off for the summer. This is also the time that she looks back over the past school year and how it went.

She doesn’t talk much about marks or the classes. She knows she was excellent in that front. Instead, one lazy afternoon, over a plate of paleo cookies and milk, she talked about how some of her classmates were trying to bully her and how she dealt with it.

Actually, this gave me pause since I knew she was going through a rough time with some kids ever since she told the principal that one of the kids (let’s call him JD) was saying nasty things and throwing things at another (let’s call him AD). AD was in tears but JD was on a roll and everyone just stood by laughing..that is until my daughter decided to call the principal to break it up. My daughter knew she could not handle JD on her own so she called someone who could.

The backlash for what she did was immediate.

Who she thought were her friends went up to her and asked why she called the principal over and got JD in trouble. They called her a “snitch”, that they would never trust her again, that she would never survive high school, that she was just trying to get attention, and that she is a teacher’s pet.

Whatever name she was called, my daughter stood her ground.  She asked her accusers what they would do if it was their sister or brother that was being bullied.  Would they just stand by?  Or what if they saw a murder happening, what would they just keep it to themselves?

Not sure how the battle of wills ended but as she was telling me this story, I could see the steely look of conviction in her eyes and it was then and there that I realized that my daughter is STRONG. Somehow, somewhere, she learned to stand strong for what she believes in.

….and then she said “I’m sure bullies come in all shapes and sizes. They are all around us and we just have to deal with them.”

Interesting.

I think I agree. I would think that bullies are not isolated to the playground…they could happen in the workplace as well.

The difficult part of workplace bullying may be recognizing that you are being bullied!

Let’s think about that for a minute….

Imagine this….

Your supervisors yells and accuses you of not doing your job, for leaving early, or showing up late and other insidious deeds you are apparently guilty of. Your supervisor’s angry voice is interspersed with profanities and for added effect, papers are thrown around on the desk.

You know the accusations are without merit and will not stand up in court in the event you are wrongfully dismissed.

Would this be workplace bullying?

Perhaps.  Perhaps not.

I guess if this has only happened once, then I would probably chalk it up to heat of the moment, a momentary lapse of judgement or maybe low blood sugar…

Now consider this….

What if….say, in addition to the above case and on a regular basis, the supervisor makes you feel stupid in public, says profanities to attendees during meetings, or talks about people behind their backs, or will give you work that sets you up for failure so you would leave, or coerces you to put favourable insights in employee satisfaction survey.

Would this be workplace bullying…? or just normal office politics gone crazy?

Whatever name you put on this, this supervisor is definitely not someone you want to work for.

Even if you wanted to report these incidences, I don’t believe there would be an appetite for such confrontation…especially when  you have bills to pay.

The sad part about workplace bullying is that the backlash would likely not be immediate but rather very slow and painful….and the stress of dealing with such a roller coaster at work will likely take a toll over your health, both mentally and physically.

I feel for those  who are unfortunate enough to be in this position since the feeling of hopelessness AND helplessness must seem insurmountable. Anxiety and depression may become constant companions much like unwanted visitors who have overstayed their welcome.

Fear is probably the main factor behind one’s inability to act in these circumstances….fear of losing one’s job, fear of not getting another job, fear of looking like a failure, fear of what people are going to say, fear of going out of one’s comfort zone, fear of the uncertainty and the unknown.

I must admit, that is a lot of fear to carry around inside your head.

So, what would you do?

My daughter’s way is face it head on and damn the consequences.  As for me, I am not sure how I would deal with bullying in the office (or anywhere for that matter!) but I certainly wish for all of her courage if and when I find myself in such a dire situation.

As she finished her milk and brushed away the crumbs,  I could not help but be proud that she is growing up to be an admirable young lady….

I also thought that maybe we should have more cookies with milk over this summer….

Debbie

 

 

 

 

 

A little change goes a long way…

I took down our Christmas tree on New Years Day. I actually felt a little sad.

No.

“Sad” is not quite the right word.

I think it touched on a more basic instinct…

More like FEAR.

Well, brand new year, clean slate, new expectations…you know the drill.

I feared that 2016 will be more of the same 2015 crap. I knew I was not keeping in the moment but I could not help it.

Yes, I enjoyed the little break between Christmas and New Years…went down south to get a break from the cold, got a nice tan, went snorkelling, had some tequilas.

However, there always seemed to be an undercurrent of unease that when I go back to reality, it’s as if I never left. Work will still be work, family life will always be family life, winter days will turn to warmer spring days, then the heat  of summer will be replaced by cooler autumn breezes, then before I know it, I will be setting up the Christmas tree again.

Of course, accusing thoughts that I should be more grateful rushed up…..”At least you have a job; at least you have a family who loves you, at least you can enjoy the passing of the seasons…AT LEAST YOU ARE ALIVE!!”

I am grateful, yes, but I had this nagging feeling that I needed a change…something different, something new.

I went to get a haircut.

As I saw my long hair fall to the floor, I realized, yes, this is good. This feels good.

Went from below the shoulder length to a boy-cut in a matter of 5 minutes.

My daughter said I look like Katy Perry in her “Part of Me” video.

Well, that’s not so bad…

…or perhaps she was just being kind.

No matter.

I like it. I love it.

I realized then that one simple thing as a haircut can change one’s perspective.

Yes, the undercurrent of unease is still there and when I went back to the office after the Christmas break, and sure enough, it went into overdrive. Many changes are expected to happen this year and we are all bracing for it.

At any rate, I keep reminding myself that it is out of my control and that things will work out. Somehow.

So, if you feel that perhaps you are in need of a change, get a haircut. At least, if you don’t end up looking like Katy Perry, you have the rest of the year to grow it back….

Here’s to 2016, everyone!

Debbie.